‘If I were allowed to do it again, I would choose not to have children’

In our popular section Confession readers can share their stories anonymously. This Wife-readeress (mother of three children aged 16, 14 and 8) confessed that – if she were allowed to do everything again – she would not start children anymore. โ€œI just find raising is very difficult.โ€

Don‘t get me wrong: I love my children very much. But I also have my hands full. I had realized that once I had children, it would be done with the rest and with doing what I wanted. But I did not expect that it would take so much time and above all energy. It seems as if my whole life revolves around the children and there is never a moment when I can relax and enjoy life, alone or with my partner.

Backpack

My youngest child (8) has ‘a backpack‘. Because of this, he always needs the most attention, because he needs help with everything. He is autistic and also has a form of Asperger. And he needs more guidance with a lot of things. For example, it took him a very long time before he dared to go to school. He never wanted to be away from me for long, and once he realized I wasn’t standing behind the window of the classroom, he started crying and screaming that I had to come back.

Meanwhile he hasn‘t been attending school for at least a year and a half, so even before corona. At school, they indicated that they can’t offer him what he needs; he needs more guidance, more one in one time. At the beginning of 2020 we were therefore looking for a good special education school. We were even willing to move, to turn our whole lives around. Not that I wanted to quit my part-time job. But, yes, anything for your child. Unfortunately but secretly also a bit happy, corona threw soot in the food. That‘s why we still live where we live. However, I had to work even fewer hours, because he needs all my time for home education.

Butler

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since I was a mother, I feel like I’ve been employed by someone. Like I‘m a butler doing everything the kid asks. From cleaning to cooking, from playing to cleaning up. It just doesn’t stop! And then they also complain that things are not good; the food is not good, I don‘t want to swim, why do I have to play with my brother, I want to play games… All that gaming alone is one thing in itself: every time they just sit on that device shooting at people. I don’t think it‘s justified that a child (my middle is 14) is already engaged in violence. But if I say it’s enough for today, I‘ll get a big mouth too.

To sum up, I just think raising is very difficult. My oldest two are teenagers aged 16 and 14, so they can take care of themselves by now. But they too had their problems ‘on the way‘. I’ve always felt like I never did it right. Like everything I did and wanted backfired. And what I also notice is that today‘s youth no longer have respect for parents. Because of all this social media and that mutual behavior, I really worry about the generation of my children. What’s gonna happen to them…? I wouldn‘t want to lose them for gold now, but if I could do everything again, I’d choose not to have children. Sorry.

This section is based on true stories.