Isabelle Don Griot (35) used to be convinced that she would become a young mother, but her relationship was stranded and life was different than thought. At 30, she had a stomach-reducing surgery. This not only made Isabelle look different, but also made her think differently about things in life. With this blog, Isabelle takes you weekly into her life as (hopefully) future BAM-mer: consciously single mother. This week: spicy intake talks.
The choice has been made, I want to be a mommy, but where do you start when you are single and so miss an essential piece to achieve this? The search for seed; a world has opened up for me. Where do you start? How do you start? Who are you talking to?
After having called a lot of research on the internet and hospitals in the area, I mainly let my feelings speak. How empathetic did the employees seem to me? After all, it is also a very fragile process. For me Medical Center Kinderwens (MCK) came the best out of the test.
Success and happiness
In order to start the process (conversations with a psychologist, social worker, doctor and finally the seed donation) to single motherhood, I had to ask for a referral from my general practitioner. Unfortunately, it‘s not the case that you can call a clinic or hospital yourself, but that there is always a need for an intermediary who acknowledges that you need help with having a baby.
I didn’t know how to start the conversation, so I just threw in the “I want a kid, could you make a referral for the MCK “question. She didn‘t ask at all, noticed that I was dead serious and wished me good luck and luck.
I sent the referral immediately and then the entire aforementioned trajectory starts. Before you can officially start, you need to follow an online webinar with the social worker and a nurse from the clinic. This webinar is so important, because after that you really realize what’s about to happen.
There are many women who leave after this because they find out that it is not the process they want to go through. All the different forms of donorship (foreign donor, Dutch donor, own donor) were discussed, the cost factor (for a foreign donor between €1000 and €2000, – per attempt. For a Dutch donor about €300, – per attempt) and the waiting times (1 to 2 years for a Dutch donor and a few months for a foreign donor) were discussed. The waiting times are so long, because there is simply too little seed in stock in the Netherlands. Sad but true.
Still, I chose a Dutch Clinic donor. Then came the paperwork. I didn‘t know what I was seeing when my mailbox exploded with questionnaires I had to fill out. They wanted to know everything about me, my background, family, work, any hereditary diseases, allergies, mental problems, home situation, how I see the donorship, how I think I’m going to raise my baby and so on. It is clear to me that you have to have a long breath in this process.
In May 2019 I had my intake interview in the clinic with a doctor, and not much later I was allowed to report for a conversation with the social worker.
During these conversations I was very much felt. They want to make sure that you know what you‘re getting into and that you’re making the right choice for yourself. Everything you filled in on the questionnaires will be discussed.
Where the doctor mainly focuses the conversation on your health and draws up a donor profile on the basis of this (the donor wants to match them as much and as possible to you as a person in terms of appearance and health), the social worker mainly focuses on your finances, social network and whether I‘ve been thinking about what will happen to my baby when I die. You might be scared of this. Luckily, I didn’t. I had already thought about this piece and asked the people concerned.
They‘re spicy conversations, but I realize they’re necessary. After an internal examination and the magic words “you have a lot of eggs for your age”, I got the date of July 2020, the month of my first insemination.
I had to laugh at the remark about my eggs, I felt very young with my 35 years old. But the reality is that after 30, the quality of your eggs deteriorates by leaps and bounds and your fertility decreases. Luckily, everything looked healthy. July 2020, then still far away, has long been behind us.
Read here part 1: After my gastric bypass I became another person
Read part 2 back here: My eggs and I do not get thereyounger on